I’ve had several situations recently when I spent time preparing for something I thought I had all figured out and suddenly – wham!! – God pulled the rug out from under me. Sometimes it was circumstances that changed and I was no longer scheduled to do the thing for which I had been preparing for weeks. In one situation, – actually doing design work for the September Seeking Stillness retreat – I had the sense that while the work I was doing would be used by God at some point, the focus of what I was preparing was not for this time or audience.
Boy was I mad at first!!!! Mad at God, mad at myself for misreading God, and mad that I had “wasted” my time. In each of these situations it took me some time to get comfortable with the idea that maybe 1) God had something planned for the situation that I wasn’t sensing initially, and/or 2) there was someone else who was to play the role I thought I should have, and/or 3) as I spent my “wasted” time with God, He was doing work in me that I needed Him to do.
It’s been months since some of these situations occurred and in the meantime, God has allowed me to see the impact of changes that came from His disruptions. What blessings He had in mind when He called me elsewhere and had others take my place! What amazing things He had planned that I couldn’t see! And what amazing things He did in me through that “wasted” time I spent with Him!!!!
I’m always asking God to speak to me, but often I get completely derailed when He actually does. I like to have closure on things. I like to be organized and to plan ahead. Simply put, I like control. God doesn’t just like control, He is in control and He has shown me, that He wants to get His way.
As I’ve reflected on these recent situations, God has shown me previous times when He wanted me to change the plan I was wedded to and I pushed through with my agenda. Some of these plans turned out OK, but were hard to implement – causing great tension and stress. Others, quite honesty, crashed and burned. I just wonder what God had in mind in these situations and how I and others would have been blessed by letting Him be disruptive.
I miss God’s plan and miss His intentions when I am running too fast and trying to listen to Him in the midst of this noisy, crazy world. Sound familiar?
Lord, I really want to do only the things you have planned. Please help me to slow down, take time with you, and listen. Break me of my conviction that my ideas are great and that all I need to do is work hard to implement them. Thank you Lord, for working so hard to get my attention and for forgiving me of my disobedience. Amen.